YOGA - WEST OF THE NARROWS

Most of us do it. We smile when we don't feel like it, feign selfless help while feeling inner reluctance and often bitterness. We help out of obligation or guilt rather than inner guidance. We are subject to the role (and burden) of 'Good.'

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GENUINENESS IS THE EXPRESSION OF THE AUTHENTIC SELF, THE REAL YOU. IT IS THOUGHT, EMOTION, VERBAL EXPRESSION, BODY LANGUAGE, AND BEHAVIOR THAT COME FROM THE DEEPEST ESSENTIAL CORE OF WHO WE ARE. IT IS THE CONGRUENCE OF THOUGHT, EMOTION, WORD AND DEED SO THAT AN ACTION IS NOT WAY OVER HERE AND AN EMOTION WAY OVER THERE. - Andrea Mathews in Letting Go of Good

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With many, it starts in childhood. Parents project onto children, and the sensitive children pick it up and want to smooth it out. In order to do this they may stifle themselves to 'stay out of the way,' or possibly become the caretaker and take on a parental role. They might strive for excellence to make up for lack, or play scapegoat and become dutiful from guilt. There are many ways it can all go down and it starts early for most, others may learn this along the way. Fortunately, we can unlearn this behavior and find ourselves, our strength and our voice to be who we are; regardless of the expectations of others - and not feel bad about it.

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In the above mentioned book, the 'Shoulds' are addressed that are the fallacies creating the warped world of 'Good.' Things like loving unconditionally, being the bigger person, always forgiving, unbending loyalty, and maintaining innocence and contentment. I have to admit, when first faced with these 'Shoulds' I was shocked to read the opposition to these values that seemed right and align with my beloved Yogic philosophies. However, in reading the pitfalls of these supposed righteous values, I began to see the distance that is created between Self and emotion, as well as clarity when adhered to in the wrong manner.

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Should we walk around revealing our true thoughts and feelings? Is it okay to not be overly nice and make polite conversation? Could I really be okay with not forgiving somebody, based on what my gut told me about their lack of loyalty and care of my being? Maybe I don't need to rise above and make nice.....maybe I could just say, "I don't want to play in your sandbox anymore, based on what you've shown me."

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My strong reaction to the suggestion that I move against all the 'Shoulds' that resonated with me for so long exposed my conditioning and did what any good piece of literature will do; made me dissect and question my beliefs, with an open mind and a lot of consideration.

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The book than goes on to reconnect you to your best friends that you've neglected for being 'Bad' for so long....your emotions. You know, the 'negative' ones. As it turns out, RESENTMENT, ANGER, FEAR AND SORROW are your Allies. They will show you more about your authentic feelings than any emotion like contentment will ever do. When these feelings arise, don't stuff them away and feel guilty for them coming up. Hold hands with them and ask them what it is they want to show you. What is it that they want from you? The answers may surprise you. Raw, real, true answers to your heart's desire, not society and/or familial needs.

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But wait, did you know you have super powers? Ah, yes, you do. They come in the form of INTUITION, DISCERNMENT AND DESIRE. If the above 'negative' emotions are your Allies, then these 3 are your Guides. Too often they are disregarded in lieu of being nice and avoidance of upsetting others, but they offer you tools. You can use your intuition, understand the signals you are receiving and live from true desire rather than obligations and duties.

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Of course, there is no green light on being out-rightly rude, blowing off responsibilities and becoming disturbingly self-centered. I have a feeling that would not align to your authentic Self either and cause yourself your own grief that when asked what it was showing you is that you don't want to be that way.

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What moving away from 'Shoulds', acknowledging your denser emotions, and using your super powers does is create integration of the whole; moving from a place of purpose. Choosing how you want to live, who you'd like to help while discerning why, so that your good deeds come from true integrity. Smiling because it feels right and good from your core, forgiving because you can see the truth and heart of the person, not because you it makes you the bigger person. Being loyal based on an exchange that is balanced, rather than some quid pro quo or intimidation. Being able to say no without the guilt and giving others back the gift of responsibility for their own actions and emotions, as you receive the same precious offering.

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For more in depth reading on this interesting topic, get a copy of Letting Go of Good by Andrea Mathews. (I got mine at Intuitive Alchemy in Gig Harbor where I enjoyed this month's Studio Experience).

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In the midst of this Holiday Season and with the onset of a New Year, I wish you all the best and the ability to shed what you no longer wish to adhere to in order to embody the beautiful Self that journeyed here with intention. The light in me honors the light in you.

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Namaste.